My struggle

Hello everyone,
I feel I need to explain my words last night. I am not going crazy although that is what it feels like. I am not having as much trouble with the eating but that's because I just needed permission not to eat. I have always been much thinner than I am now and have fallen into the trap that you have to eat or you will die. I have however had a very clear testing of my faith this week and I was and still am surprised to know that it is a lot weaker than I thought it was but it is also a lot stronger than in the past. The way I responded to this trial is not the way I had hoped to. It turned out greater than I could have imagined and my faith has grown because of it.

As some of you know my son Alex came back to live with us about the first class. Christ chose to save him and he responded in surrender. He was baptized about 2 weeks ago. Praise to the Father who sits upon the throne! He and I are going to Mexico on a mission trip over spring break. Last Monday, he left our home around 5:30pm because he did not want to mow the yard. I thought he would ride his bike around the block and be back in time for supper. We went out looking for him around 6:30. We reported him missing around 8:30pm. The police picked him up in Grapevine the next day about 9:30 pm.


I did not respond very well. I know God loves Alex and that he has a divine purpose for him which has not been accomplished. But instead of clinging to those promises I chose to think the worst and play the victim. Even when they called to tell me they had found him and asked if I was going to come and get him I said I'll call you back!? I could not hear God's voice I prayed for direction and peace it just was not coming. I even thought my husband was leaving me too. He was suppose to go out of town. Again I thought the worst and believed he should not leave me in case Alex was hurt or in trouble and I did not want to do it on my own. I knew God was there but I wanted Todd there too. I allowed Satin to disturb everything in our family because I wanted it my way.

My faith was tested and I was not as strong as I thought I should be. My feelings were hurt more than I expected them to be. I felt more alone than I thought I would. I feared more that I thought I would. Maybe I found out how weak I really am and how strong He can make me. It took more of my strength than I thought it would. I fell in a hole and now I am making my way out He took over in my weakness and protected Alex and brought him home safely. He is restoring my faith and my strength.

I don't know if this makes any scene to you or not. I am just confessing my humanism to you. God has a plan and a purpose for everything and a time for everything. I am not as low as I would expect to be. I am just extremely tired and that's when I over eat. I pray this will be a blessing to you.

Libbie