Ok, after having a bar-b-que sandwich and a chocolate turtle fudge cookie with ice-cream and hot fudge, (Remember how I said that Bruce was a horrible accountability partner), I was tempted to beat myself up...WHY didn't I stop at 5...I wasn't at a 0 when I started...uhhh, why am I aware of everything AFTER THE FACT...Why can't I be more AWARE all of the time...what happened to the 8 Keys...in the words of Charlie Brown "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!".
And, when I look back at each one of those statements they all have something in common....I, I, I, I...the focus of ME!!! So, by God's grace, even with food up to my epiglottis, I am trying the whole Grace thing...to observe and correct. So, I screwed up tonight...God is bigger than that...He still loves me...it's not about how well I did or if I failed miserably...He can use it all to the good for me, whether it is an opportunity to experience His Grace...or to entertain you with my rantings...or to keep me from EVER EATING CHOCOLATE AGAIN BECAUSE I AM SO SICK RIGHT NOW THAT I COULD...well, you know!!! UGH!! Grace...Grace...Grace...Lord help me accept that free gift that You give me!
Group was a really great tonight and it helped me be prepared for my encounter with the cookie monster that took me from a 5 to an 8. I am currently trying to remember that there is no condemnation in Christ...and that His strength is perfect when mine is nowhere to be found. I sound like some sort of Monk or something as I walk around the house chanting "Thank you God for my failures, thank you God for my failures". Luckily, Bruce has seen my "crazy" before so he is just enjoying his hot fudge cookie sundae in front of the t.v. (a total no no according to the 8 keys of concious eating...but who am I to judge) and ignoring me...
So, the sandwich and the cookie weren't the failure...but eating to like an 8 was! :) So I observe and correct...honestly, I had hoped I wouldn't have to provide you all with an example of a trip up so soon after our meeting, but what can I say...I'm devoted to you guys. LOL!
I am thankful that the Lord did give me the time and motivation to create the charts that we discussed tonight so that I might actually try to dig a little deeper each day this week. If you would like me to email them to you, let me know. Thank you all again for your support, friendship, and encouragement...this is a slow process and I think that I am finally letting me expectations, regarding this being a quick fix weight loss plan, die. This is about me and Him...or Him and me...or He and I...whatever, you know what I mean...this is about my relationship with Him!!! If anything else happens, AWESOME, if not, there is no greater treasure than to draw closer to Him, and to simply get a glimpse of His Glory.
Take care this week...and please share your thoughts on the blog if you can!
Ash
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OMGosh! Ash...that was just greatness! I needed a great laugh this morning! Hey, if we can't have a sense of humor when it comes to our own screw ups then ALL HOPE IS JUST LOST!!! I think we take our defeats way too seriously most of the time...or at least I think I do. I'm just glad that while I'm laughing...to keep from crying (or getting out the rod of condemnation), God on the other hand is waiting patiently for me to...once again...admit that when i hold the remote control, all hades breaks loose and that if I would just STOP REMOVING IT FROM HIS HANDS, things would just go so much smoother. :~)
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty/transparency and hope that you feel positive that you are SOOOOO NOT alone in your struggles! :~) We're all there with ya, girl. Defeats/victories, frustrations/rejoicing...we're all in this together.
This morning, I was soooo at a 3...not a ZERO and decided that I would indulge in two pieces of cheese toast...and then of course nibble while I was fixing my lunch to take to work with me and then to top it all off drink a huge glass of milk. Now...I know that may not sound like I ate a whole lot but I did forget to mention that I decided...after putting quite alot of thought into it...that I should just pour that glass of milk over into a yummy bowl of cereal. Yeah...I felt like a swollen up TOAD for about two hours! Yuck! Just the word MILK makes me want to...well...you know!
All I can do is laugh at the TOAD visual I gave myself and decide that...no...to my knowledge, the world didn't just tilt farther on it's axis and life IS actually going right on and that I should just go on with it. I know...novel idea. :~)
Like I said, we're all here with ya! :~)
Thank you for your post and NO you are not alone we can all identify... it is a struggle to make the right choice - the hope we have is that like we learned in SS this Sunday - like King Solomon we can pray for wisdom to make the right choices... We have the "knowledge" but it is what we do with that knowledge that makes us wise - we HAVE to stop and pray for God's direct intervention/help and have a plan/course of attack to remove us from that moment(for some of us it can be pick up our lesson, or take a walk, or grab a shower, brush your teeth, etc... you name it) ... pray for God to show us what that can be... more than likely each of us will have something different to help us divert from our temptations... i can't help but think of what Pastor Kris says about temptation... turn and RUN.... you are absolutely right the priceless - most important thing about Thin Within is drawing close to the Lord walking closely with him in EVERY area of our life - even the "food" part... which we often want to compartmentalize... I know your blog and others are a blessing to me :) Thank you for your honesty. love, Christi
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